No-Fun Nine: A team of recent Cub tormentors


Great… Paul Goldschmidt is headed to St. Louis. The 88-win Cardinals added an MVP-caliber first baseman. It’s a well-known fact that he has a steady appetite for Cubs pitching. To make matters worse, I’m here today to present an entire team of “Cub Killers” – one at each position (two starting pitchers) that has consistently made life miserable for the Wrigley faithful. I limited the list to those who played the majority of their careers from 1990 on. In an excuse to include Daniel Murphy (*spoiler*), I included playoff games in the “Career vs Cubs” totals for each player. Here’s the team:


Mike Lieberthal

60 games, .309/.361/.512, 7 HR, 32 RBI

I went with Lieberthal because picking Yadier Molina (.297/.361/.430, 16 HR, 103 RBI in 209 games) would be so cliché.

First Base

Paul Goldschmidt

43 games, .353/.471/.699, 14 HR, 39 RBI

You could argue Mark McGwire was a little better (.272/.453/.832, 23 HR, 41 RBI in 42 games), but Goldschmidt was the driving force behind this piece of #content so it would be silly of me not to choose him. Also good: Albert Pujols (.297/.399/.613, 56 HR, 144 RBI in 182 games).

Second Base

Daniel Murphy

64 games, .331/.375/.595, 14 HR, 30 RBI

Beat ‘em then join ‘em I guess…  This includes a .361/.425/.833 with 5 HR & 8 RBI in 9 postseason games.


Jeff Blauser

78 games, .351/.413/.611, 15 HR, 48 RBI

In his career he hit .257/.350/.393 (regular season) against everyone else. Blauser is the one player on this team whose career started prior to 1990 (1987).

Third Base

Nolan Arenado

39 games, .305/.347/.591, 11 HR, 39 RBI

Had this been an all-time list, it could have been Goldschmidt & Mikeschmidt on the infield corners. But it isn’t, so Arenado is the guy.


Ryan Braun

172 games, .317/.394/.557, 35 HR, 125 RBI

I bet you’re booing as you read this.


Carl Everett

44 games, .369/.421/.671, 10 HR, 41 RBI

That’s right.  Carl Everett [insert dinosaur joke here].


Bobby Abreu

66 games, .323/.432/.638, 16 HR, 57 RBI

One of the under-the-radar greats of his time. Did you know he’s one of only 5 players ever with 250 HR, 400 SB & 1,000 Walks? The other four are either in the Hall of Fame or named Barry Bonds.

Starting Pitcher

Randy Johnson

15 games/14 starts, 13-0, 1.91 ERA in 103.2 IP, 143 K, 0.984 WHIP

He had 10+ strikeouts in 10 of his 14 starts against the Cubs. His team was 14-0 in the 14 games he started… 0-1 in the game he relieved.

Starting Pitcher

Cole Hamels

9 games/9 starts, 5-1, 1.74 ERA in 62.0 IP

9 starts… 8 quality starts (including one that ruined the day of @CubsNoHitStreak)… and one start where he allowed 9 runs.


Billy Wagner

48 games, 1.47 ERA in 55.0 IP, 64 K, 0.836 WHIP

Billy Wagner had 1,196 strikeouts and 601 hits allowed in his career. He just might be the second best reliever of all time, behind Mariano.

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